Over at AngieMedia, Rob has authored an insightful piece titled Sociopaths In Our Midst Hate the Truth and Its Advocates on the inner-workings of a sociopath. Here are some important points from his posting: Continue reading Sociopaths Hate the Truth, Hate to Lose, and Hate to be Outted
Men are often overlooked as victims of abuse, but the numbers are indeed alarming. It is estimated that as many as 48% of the victims of emotional abuse are male. Continue reading For Men: Signals You May Be a Victim of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
There is an article over at HubPages by Virtual Treasures titled “Sociopathic Manipulation Tendencies – The Sociopath as a Master Manipulator” that describes in pretty good detail how a Sociopath operates. You should read through it as it may sound just like someone close to you. The author focuses on the sociopath’s manipulation of you, the victim.
One point, in particular, is very important for you, the victim, to understand because when you engage with a sociopath, you are not just bringing them into your world. You are bringing them into your family’s world and your friends’ worlds as well. You are likely putting them ALL in danger. Remember that the Sociopath is only concerned about winning and does not care who or how many people are hurt along the way.
I am highlighting some excerpts here, but the entire article is well worth the few minutes to read it.
The author points out that a Sociopath seeks out their victims. In the case of romantic partners, they often size them up from afar, maybe visit their work when possible, start to frequent places they hang out, and even befriend people in their social circles in order to get closer to and learn more about them.
An important thing to keep in mind is that a sociopath has a good idea of who you are before they even meet you. They have sized you up from afar, even probably watched you for a period of time to determine your habits, likes, and dislikes before you even know this person exists. Sociopaths gravitate towards victims who they perceive as vulnerable.
They observe their prey carefully to identify vulnerabilities that they can exploit. This includes zeroing in on things like:
- Relationship status and, if not in one, how they might be affected by that (e.g. lonely, despondent, happy).
- Likes and dislikes so they can mirror them back.
- Hobbies or passionate interests, such as playing an instrument, reading books, or drawing. This is so they can heap praise upon you without ever really being sincere about it. They may even purport to be “into” it as well and mirror it back. Some have been known to go as far as to develop skills in a hobby just to attract the victim.
- Relationships with friends and family.
- Level of self-esteem and confidence.
The article’s author then goes on to further explain how they manipulate you and suck you into their world.
Once they begin to get to know you, they are constantly honing the manipulation tactics they will use on you. When one doesn’t work, they try out others, but the pity play is one of their favorites. They have ways to make you feel sorry for them to the point that you will literally give them the shirt off of your back. Crocodile tears will fall and your heart will ache for them.
Right from the beginning, they will start to isolate you by separating you from friends, usually through lies, deceit, and manipulation of you and your friends and family. All based on the information they gathered in the early days of meeting you and even before.
People with a normal conscience cannot even begin to conceive of what’s going on behind the empty eyes of a sociopath. Protect yourself and your family and get away. Do not look back.
What if you are a victim? If you have managed to break their spell and realize that you are a victim, the best thing to do is to immediately break off all contact. She/he will use every means at her disposal, including seduction and jealousy, to rope you back in and win “their game”. Unfortunately, if he/she has gotten you into a marriage or children, then you may have no choice but to communicate. If so, do not do it in person, always have someone with you, and try to do it in writing or e-mail so it can properly be tracked. A sociopath has no reservations about spinning new lies and stories to make you look bad.
The author also adds these important points for victims.
Do not become immersed in their game. If you care about people, you cannot win. Don’t believe you can change them. You cannot change someone who is fundamentally and physically incapable of feeling love and empathy. Do not believe you can love them enough or that you will be enough to make them want to change. They do not know how, nor do they care enough to try.