Over at AngieMedia, Rob has authored an insightful piece titled Sociopaths In Our Midst Hate the Truth and Its Advocates on the inner-workings of a sociopath. Here are some important points from his posting: Continue reading Sociopaths Hate the Truth, Hate to Lose, and Hate to be Outted
Men are often overlooked as victims of abuse, but the numbers are indeed alarming. It is estimated that as many as 48% of the victims of emotional abuse are male. Continue reading For Men: Signals You May Be a Victim of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
The men’s self-help and advice site, Geeks and Jocks has an excellent video to help men realize that they are in a relationship with a Sociopath. Despite a few typos or grammar items, it is a good encapsulation of the information provided by a vast number of resources. The presentation also includes information from their online post Living with a Sociopath is Not Easy.
Sadly, getting through to someone that they are in a dangerous and, in the long term, a hopeless relationship is extremely difficult. Many men are too stubborn and/or victimized to see it until it is too late and their life is in tatters. As we have seen repeated throughout mental health journals, post by medical professionals, and a multitude of other sources, there is currently no treatment or cure for sociopathy.
Donna Anderson, author of the book “Love Fraud: How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan“, appeared on the Doctor Paul show in March of 2011 to discuss her book and 10 traits that could signal that your partner is a sociopathic predator.
Donna is also the host of the excellent Web site, LoveFraud.com where she has collected and published a wealth of good information concerning Sociopath’s, how they victimize, and how to break away and recover from the abuse they put their partners through.
Here is the interview:
There is an article over at HubPages by Virtual Treasures titled “Sociopathic Manipulation Tendencies – The Sociopath as a Master Manipulator” that describes in pretty good detail how a Sociopath operates. You should read through it as it may sound just like someone close to you. The author focuses on the sociopath’s manipulation of you, the victim.
One point, in particular, is very important for you, the victim, to understand because when you engage with a sociopath, you are not just bringing them into your world. You are bringing them into your family’s world and your friends’ worlds as well. You are likely putting them ALL in danger. Remember that the Sociopath is only concerned about winning and does not care who or how many people are hurt along the way.
I am highlighting some excerpts here, but the entire article is well worth the few minutes to read it.
The author points out that a Sociopath seeks out their victims. In the case of romantic partners, they often size them up from afar, maybe visit their work when possible, start to frequent places they hang out, and even befriend people in their social circles in order to get closer to and learn more about them.
An important thing to keep in mind is that a sociopath has a good idea of who you are before they even meet you. They have sized you up from afar, even probably watched you for a period of time to determine your habits, likes, and dislikes before you even know this person exists. Sociopaths gravitate towards victims who they perceive as vulnerable.
They observe their prey carefully to identify vulnerabilities that they can exploit. This includes zeroing in on things like:
- Relationship status and, if not in one, how they might be affected by that (e.g. lonely, despondent, happy).
- Likes and dislikes so they can mirror them back.
- Hobbies or passionate interests, such as playing an instrument, reading books, or drawing. This is so they can heap praise upon you without ever really being sincere about it. They may even purport to be “into” it as well and mirror it back. Some have been known to go as far as to develop skills in a hobby just to attract the victim.
- Relationships with friends and family.
- Level of self-esteem and confidence.
The article’s author then goes on to further explain how they manipulate you and suck you into their world.
Once they begin to get to know you, they are constantly honing the manipulation tactics they will use on you. When one doesn’t work, they try out others, but the pity play is one of their favorites. They have ways to make you feel sorry for them to the point that you will literally give them the shirt off of your back. Crocodile tears will fall and your heart will ache for them.
Right from the beginning, they will start to isolate you by separating you from friends, usually through lies, deceit, and manipulation of you and your friends and family. All based on the information they gathered in the early days of meeting you and even before.
People with a normal conscience cannot even begin to conceive of what’s going on behind the empty eyes of a sociopath. Protect yourself and your family and get away. Do not look back.
What if you are a victim? If you have managed to break their spell and realize that you are a victim, the best thing to do is to immediately break off all contact. She/he will use every means at her disposal, including seduction and jealousy, to rope you back in and win “their game”. Unfortunately, if he/she has gotten you into a marriage or children, then you may have no choice but to communicate. If so, do not do it in person, always have someone with you, and try to do it in writing or e-mail so it can properly be tracked. A sociopath has no reservations about spinning new lies and stories to make you look bad.
The author also adds these important points for victims.
Do not become immersed in their game. If you care about people, you cannot win. Don’t believe you can change them. You cannot change someone who is fundamentally and physically incapable of feeling love and empathy. Do not believe you can love them enough or that you will be enough to make them want to change. They do not know how, nor do they care enough to try.
“You’ll believe it’s the best thing that ever happened to you, so you won’t even suspect you’re being played.” If you know someone that is in a bad relationship yet says this anyway, that is a HUGE warning sign that they are already in the clutches of a Sociopath/Psychopath. [Note: Sociopaths and Psychopaths are mostly an artificial distinction, they are essentially the same in many ways, though science continues to identify traits that may eventually lead to them being separate diagnoses.]
I have heard privately from so many people in the last week about these posts. People have said that the articles read like the biography of someone they know, fitting them perfectly. Most of the people don’t know each other, yet still point at the same person. It is sad that their victim(s) still cannot see it. It is sadder yet that young children are involved.
This is FACT, not fiction. Continue reading The Red Flags of a Psychopath
A victim of emotional abuse may not even recognize their situation as abusive. They tend to use denial, minimization, and make excuses to deal with the stress and anguish they feel. While children are most often the victims of an emotionally abusive parent, men are not immune. In fact, men are resistant to seeking help as they may see it as a weakness or failing. News alert — it isn’t either of those things.
The first step for those being emotionally abused is recognizing it’s happening. If you recognize any of the signs of emotional abuse in your relationship, you need to be honest with yourself so you can regain power over your own life, stop the abuse, and begin to heal. For those who’ve been minimizing, denying, and hiding the abuse, this can be a painful and frightening first step. Here are just a few of the warning signs that Barrie Davenport covers in an excellent piece over at the LIVEBOLD&BLOOM.com site. In a post titled “30 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In A Relationship”, they cover a number of things that you should be aware of for yourself and to recognize in others.
1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.
2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.
3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.
5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.
6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior.
7. They make you feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.
9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.
16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame you or others, and have difficulty apologizing.
18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.
21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.
23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.
29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.
30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.
In addition, here are some of other items from well-respected sources to add to what BarrieDavenport has included:
- They will use the children to further manipulate and coerce you.
- They will use threats of self-harm or suicide to create guilt.
- They spend money on frivolous things, while you sacrifice, to show they control you.
- They call you or the children names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.
- They are promiscuous or adulterous with others.
- They will claim to have experienced some trauma, such as rape, incest, or physical abuse, to gain your sympathy.
- They will use loving words one moment, then insult you the next. This is not their problem, they are doing it specifically to break you down and control you.
(Based on material from Live Bold and Bloom http://liveboldandbloom.com)